The other day I received an unexpected visit from a Thai lady from Pattaya who sought my help with her nascent wine-importing business. The first thing I found charming about her was that she actually thought I would help her set up a company to compete against me free of charge. You can ask me later about the other things I found charming about her.

Anyway, her story goes like this:

She fell in love with South African wine while visiting her boyfriend. Upon her return to Thailand, she decided to open a wine import company in order to sell the six wines that her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's former employer found for her at a good price.

That's not much of a basis to form a company, but believe it or not, I get 2 or 3 visits a month from wannabe wine importers with strangely similar anecdotes.

They're typically European, fleeing taxes and tax authorities and looking for an easy life of bright sun and dark skin. These wide-eyed people always know a cousin's brother's sister's dentist who knows someone he went to school with who works at a winery where there is a surplus of wine to sell. (Gee, I wonder why?). But this lady was the first Thai, and she should know better.

Before the crash in 1997, there were over 100 companies licensed to import wine in Phuket. Now, as then, it's beyond my understanding why anyone with no business plan, no marketing plan or no local knowledge would attempt to make a go of selling wines on an island on the other side of the world. Yet, they keep coming, opening wine companies and introducing still more bad Vin de Pays d'Oc French wine to the doubting masses. At least in my case, I had an excuse when I started enVision. Wine is what I know--hell, it's all I know. And I had been coming here with my family since I was twelve years old, always loved the country, blah blah blah.

Back in the United States, where I am from, it is almost impossible to obtain a new license to import wine. But here, in the wild wild East, it is ridiculously easy. Clearing customs is another matter, of course, and good luck to you if you don't know what you are doing in that regard. Just ask the unlucky resort in Patong. that once tried to become an importer of wine and inadvertently ruffled the feathers of one of the many peacocks working at the Port Authority. Imagine helplessly watching as 5 million baht of wine turns into sherry on the baking-hot docks of Klong Toey port and you get some idea of the risks in this business.

Oh yes, selling wine might be difficult, but what about the lifestyle? The dinners, tastings and glamour? It's all that and more, if you ignore the stress of arriving thirty minutes before a gala dinner only to discover that the hotel staff has chilled the red wines and lost the white wines and cannot find a corkscrew. That's how the glamour goes every time, pretty much.

Probably the most laughable part of the business is trying to get paid. Take some luxury hotels they think nothing of spending 8 million baht to change the color of the floor tiles in the lobby, but cannot find the change to pay you for three bottles of wine they call a par stock. They want you to deliver the wine on consignment.

Clones who think engaging in an adversarial relationships with suppliers makes them talented may be annoying. but they are still a step above the proprietors of dubious restaurants who close up shop at the end of high season and leave suppliers wondering why they did not listen to their mother and stay on at the factory back in Scotland instead of becoming wine importers in Thailand.

Of course, the wine business is not without blessings. Foremost is the pleasure of contributing knowledge, helping Thai staff to gain new skills, knowing you have played some small role in helping others, and increasing standards of dining on the island. In this business, you meet and work side-by-side with some talented and genuine people who "get it"--people you can forge lifelong friendships with. That makes the headaches worthwhile, at least for me.

I realize that some of those reading this cautionary tale harbour fantasies about opening a wine company. They won't be dissuaded by this essay. They will probably suspect this article is an elaborate ploy to steer them away from an easy source of great wealth that is nearly within their grasp. They never stop to wonder why, if I am so wealthy, I spend most afternoons struggling along the road with boxes of wine when everyone else is on the beach.

Only the tax man knows with certainty how much money there is to be made from the wine business. Until you get to know him, you would be well-advised to approach the wine business in Thailand with your heart and not your dreams.