I have learned many things since arriving in Thailand and have realised that life in Phuket becomes much more wonderful once you understand, respect and learn about the Thai culture, customs and sensitivities.

A sense of humour will only get you so far. There are certain lessons that every foreigner learns in order to make his or her stay more pleasurable.

You learn to untie your shoes in lightning speed before entering Thai businesses and homes – and to never wear socks with holes in again. You learn to refrain from leaping out of your moving car as two scooters drive towards you on the wrong side of the road.

You learn to ask for less chilli in broken Thai (‘ped ped nidnoy kaa’). You learn to count to 10 in Thai (and realise you are not the only foreigner with a mental block on 7 & 8). You learn to carry your own toilet paper in your hand bag, or carry 10 baht coins for the privilege. You learn to greet by pressing your palms together under your chin while expertly manoeuvring eight shopping bags that swing and knock you in the stomach.

You learn, as a woman, to squat over an Eastern toilet without peeing on your left calf.
You learn to separate the plastic water bottles from the rest of your rubbish. You learn to be careful who you cross, it’s a tiny island – don’t make enemies.

Thai’s particularly have delicate sensibilities and long memories. You learn that when a truck indicates to the right but moves to the left, he is signalling that it is all clear to over-take.

You also learn that the cars on Patong Hill are in fact not hooting at your bad driving,
but rather paying their respects. You learn to never get angry or shout; Thailand has a gentle and conservative culture that does not respond to aggression or raised voices.

I recall an expat in the bank screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. The teller just stared at him blinking, emotionless and unmoved. I learned from my Thai counterparts and after initially losing my cool when some work promised to me was not delivered, the second time it happened I smiled and was gracious and patient. Low and behold, the assistant whispered to me ‘I will do it for you now, give me 30 minutes.’ Mai bpen Rai (don’t worry). Staying calm gets the job done.

You learn to never point the soles of your feet towards a Thai person or to touch a Thai person on the head. You learn that you can pay a fine and drive off after a policeman stops you for not having a valid motorbike licence. You learn that when Thai people laugh at you it is most likely out of shyness or nervousness and is very rarely malicious.

You learn that the food on the pavement is not last night’s discarded kebab, but rather
a respectful offering to Buddha. You learn that for some reason, just about everything else is really cheap but Marmite is six times the price you pay at home (let’s not even
start about the wine). You learn that eating in is more expensive than eating out. A Thai
restaurant where I live just hoisted up a new sign outside its entrance: ‘Cheap Ass Restaurant.’ Need I say more?

Much as Thai people tolerate a sunburned farang in a bikini in their local 7/11, they
don’t necessarily approve. You realise that the majority of Thai people are just too polite to say how offensive this is to them.

I have realised the importance of ‘learning Thai.’ It not only gets you around the island
with ease but earns you a bit of respect from locals and allows you a glimpse into their intricate culture. Thais are a beautiful, kind, generous and gentle race. Taking the time to study their history and sensitivities will ensure your time on Phuket is a joyous one.

One way or another, you are sure to learn much during your time on Phuket Island.